Yes, that is a cheesy way to tie this article* to the website theme. Still, it works more than “What the Hell Do I Call This Piece?” or “A Journey through Hell with Jesus,” where readers would not know whether I were declaring myself Christian or doing some kind of mockery of Christianity. Although that would be fine, because I don’t know myself half the time.

Frankly, I don’t want to think about Covid-19 ever again. The fact that I am writing this article is mostly because a writing coach suggested I do so after reading, “We’re All Gonna Die!,” a piece which now looks like the viewpoint of an innocent leaving the Garden of Eden. If she hadn’t suggested both writing it and the flattering (but highly unlikely) possibility of being published in a certain widely read periodical, I wouldn’t have bothered. Writing this piece has been stressful as hell. Although I have observed that The (Barely) United States of America seems to be under the spell of some fossilized narratives about the pandemic. The expectation that I align my life with those narratives pisses me off enough that I have taken the inordinate amount of time necessary to write something more than: “Argh, virus mask make angry. Children sad, pound rock.” 

Let’s begin, then, with the asymptomatic spreader concept: The precautions we are now taking hinge on this being an actuality; if it’s not a real problem, then everyone who is noticeably sick stays home or goes to the hospital, and the rest of us live freely without worry. It certainly could be true, that some people spread the disease without having symptoms, but to what degree does this actually happen? It would be unethical to deliberately infect a group and put those who test positive for Covid but have no symptoms out into the world to see what happens. Yes, you can gather data and try to make conclusions, but that is difficult if you don’t know who the asymptomatic spreaders even are, because most of them have no reason to get a Covid test. In other words, this idea hasn’t been definitively proven to be of great risk, and it can’t be proven because of the ethics of it. Better safe than sorry? Yes, that is how we are proceeding; let’s admit, though, that it’s a big gamble to shut down everything based on the possibility that some asymptomatic people are spreading Covid while buying their organic lettuce. 

Another big problem I have with this asymptomatic spreader concept besides a completely intuitive skepticism, is that I strongly suspect that people are so out of touch with their bodies as to not notice when they have Covid symptoms. If you think that’s crazy, I submit that over 40% of Americans are obese; that’s a lot of people not paying attention to obvious health issues. Also, as my nephew Cliff pointed out, people are likely being deliberately dishonest at times about having symptoms. So, I think it’s more likely that the problem is not asymptomatic spreaders but both deliberately unaware and deliberately dishonest spreaders. That also explains better all the temperature checks and questionnaires. Moreover, while it is impossible to keep untested asymptomatic spreaders from infecting others, it is far more possible to convince people with symptoms to stay home. 

Admittedly, I’m not any kind of epidemiologist, and the disease is still spreading anyway. Here is where many readers will bring up the masks: “Regardless, the Covid numbers wouldn’t be going up except for those people who aren’t wearing masks and cooperating with the rules,” they say. That could be true, but it also could be true that masks don’t actually work well enough to “slow the spread,” because, again, we’re working with data and not carefully controlled scientific experiments where Covid-infected people with and without masks try to get others contagious. For those who say they “follow the science,” please remember that science is not settled on the various aspects of this pandemic. I suspect it will be in about 10 years, but it isn’t now. For instance, look at the crazy shit that people were doing to put Lysol on their groceries back in March, and now we’re told again (Michael Osterholm, now of Biden’s corona team, said this way back on March 10, 2020 [start watching at 1:20]) that “the data . . . really is just about breathing air [not about spreading coronavirus via touching surfaces].” So take the slogan, “I follow the science,” and research the difference between certainty as defined by science versus certainty as defined by propaganda. (Also, this article explains beautifully how the term “anti-science” has been used to label people skeptical of “the authority structures that support science . . . not science itself.”)

Furthermore, I noticed for a long time that discussions of immunity were extremely rare. For instance, I’ve long wondered whether immunity to other coronaviruses gives immunity to Covid-19. (The NIH published this article which practically begs for more studies to confirm whether “pre-existing T cell memory against common cold coronaviruses . . . . translates into some degrees of protection from more severe disease.” Also, this article from The BMJ presents the strong possibility that there is preexisting immunity to Covid-19. But this science isn’t, as far as I know, exactly given much visibility in the mainstream press.) And wouldn’t it be more helpful to discuss daily how to shore up the immunity of the general population instead of lowering the population’s immunity with the constant focus on the possibility of death from this coronavirus? But immunity is a more complex topic. It’s easier to declare another war on something, especially when our media for the most part assumes we Americans are too stupid to think about complex things. That said, more articles about immunity are starting to show up recently, I think. See this one from National Geographic; also the latest edition of National Geographic (February 2021) has an article about the role of viruses in human evolution generally. 

Okay, here is where I acknowledge I could be full of shit so far, and that is really fine with me. Having to be right about things is a burden I don’t want. My real aim is to move toward the truth of our situation. The real problem, I think, is with the prevailing argument in the U.S. news. The prevailing thesis, if you will, is that “everyone must do everything they can to stop coronavirus while we wait for herd immunity from the vaccine.” A friend of mine argued this with me over text while I was helping my son clean up a plate he just broke. The points of my friend’s argument were that, in his case, he is high risk (diabetes) for complications from corona, and corona is indiscriminate, so people in San Francisco’s Marina District, for instance, shouldn’t be eating together outside in big groups. All hands on deck, no tolerance for anyone blowing off the precautions. The weak point of this viewpoint is that this stance at its extreme has flipped the burden of proof, whereby any activity possibly linked to spreading corona should not be allowed. Instead of having to prove something could lead to infection, people have gone to such ridiculous lengths as the aforementioned washing of groceries, trying to stop teenagers (not possible at any time) from hanging out together, and insisting that wearing masks outside just for walking by someone is necessary. Anyone with OCD about germs now has validation beyond their wildest dreams. 

Further, as evidenced by this NBC article, this stance argues that opening society all the way and letting Covid-19 run its course would be immoral and socially Darwinist. Which is a strong point of this narrative because it is unfair to the high risk to throw them under the Covid bus, number 19.

Meanwhile, the seeming antithesis to that idea of abundant precaution is that all the precautions are too much and a threat to dearly held ideals of American freedom, right to privacy, and right to not give two shits. From this point of view, those who are high risk can protect themselves and don’t need societal lockdown to happen. The vulnerable need to take care of themselves. It is basically a Libertarian stance, and I think that only people considered white in the U.S. can manage being Libertarian without self-combusting.

The weakness of this viewpoint is that it is, in its extreme form, lacking in active compassion. The high risk might have a very hard time not being infected if nearly everyone around them, including any caretakers, has it. Paradoxically, this stance could be helped by a corresponding non-Libertarian-type commitment to shield, as a nation, the high risk from any risk of infection by such practical interventions as delivering groceries to them without delivery fees, so that they do not have to be exposed to vectors of disease.

Overall, this polarizing of and intense focus on an issue strikes me as very American. Where does this leave those of us who are very much okay with letting go of the illusion of having some kind of omniscient certainty? In their extremes, these two narratives either argue for overly controlling society or doing nothing in the face of a sometimes deadly virus. Perhaps a synthesis is possible, and that only seems impossible, because of the old familiar polarization of Democrat versus Republican. The compassionate against the uncaring. Or, from the other lens, the wimpy against the strong. Where is the plan that takes both saving lives and personal freedoms into account? 

For while citizens argue with one another about masks, the elephant (or donkey) in the livingroom is that our “leaders,” for lack of a better word, suck. As my nephew Alex (Yesssss, Alex, love itttt!) stated presciently in June, the Covid issue was being kept high profile in the media because of the oncoming election. Does anyone really believe either party truly represents the people? Look around: A great case in point is Governor Cuomo of New York, who sent corona positive patients into nursing homes and now is writing a book about his exemplary response to an ongoing pandemic. While the other obvious example is the ex-President himself, who had the power to mobilize a real response and failed to care about anyone besides himself.

In fact, the lack of real leadership has placed a heavy burden on you, on me, and on every citizen. How would this pandemic have gone if the nation had had a prepared pandemic response and widespread testing so that we could actually measure numbers and get accurate infection and death rates? How would it have been to not have to adjust for the fact of unprepared hospitals? 

Here is a personal example that illustrates the kinds of decisions citizens regularly face now. My son got a runny nose on a Saturday. Due to his nursery school’s Covid-19 policy, he needed to be either symptom free for 10 days or get a negative Covid-19 test result in order to attend school again. Our choices were either to do what they say (allied with the Democratic stance) or lie and return him to school as soon as his symptoms abated (allied with the Republican stance). In the first scenario, we take on the burden of testing or 10 days away from school. In the second, we take care of ourselves at potential risk to others. Both choices sucked.

How would this situation be in a nation where there was easy access to Covid testing and confidence in the medical establishment to have enough resources to heal people? Maybe he has a slightly runny nose at home, and there exists an easy at home Covid test, so he can get right back to school if negative. Further, anyone could be sure they were neither a symptomatic nor asymptomatic spreader by regular testing. Lockdown would be unnecessary; sick people could stay home or go to the hospital until well. Does it sound like a pipe dream? Before you accuse me of idealism, note that a small percentage of the defense budget (actual spending well above $900 billion for Fiscal Year 2020) could’ve been used to make testing abundantly easy instead of forcing us to make shitty choices like this. And my family is lucky because we have health insurance, and getting him tested was only a mild inconvenience. However, predictably, his whole school closed down again recently because a staff member had a positive Covid test result, even though this staff member had no contact with my son’s class. Fun!

The fallout from the lack of national preparedness just in the paucity of testing is that we are doing all these things like having to wear masks just to walk by someone on the street. And not hug each other, and to develop pods. With regular testing, all of that would be unnecessary. Let’s not even go into detail about how, for example, the State of California used to have a pandemic response but gave it up.

And so, the next time you are annoyed at someone for either wearing or not wearing a mask, know that you’re not really pissed at them, but you are pissed off that the burden of how to deal with Covid-19 is being placed on you because, as usual, a partisan fight obscured the fact that our government has misplaced priorities and couldn’t come up with a good solution. That is the real ripoff here.

Now, please enjoy this brief intermission.

But opinions are like assholes. Some have hemorrhoids, while others are regularly exposed to enemas. As I stated above, I have no desire to hold the burden of omniscient certainty. To be truthful about the bases of our opinions, I believe, can lead to a healing of The Polarized States of America. I originally went more towards the Libertarian viewpoint because I have two sons to raise, and the precautions and lockdown took away nearly all supports in that effort without any seeming awareness or acknowledgement of that. The argument I heard from people who were more enamored of corona precautions went something like this: “My mother survived in London during the German bombing, so you can deal with no school, no friends for your kids, and no babysitter so that I can feel safe with my diabetes, heart disease, obesity, etc.” (Rebelliously, I convinced my wife to keep our one babysitter from day one of the pandemic. Thank God.) This argument demanded that the whole nation be concerned about potential suffering from corona. At the same time, those presenting it expressed indifference to the deep suffering of children and parents (and small businesses, the unemployed, people needing regular medical treatment, etc.). This self-righteous demand for concern for one group while expressing total lack of understanding for other groups could be the new definition of irony.

And so, the schools shifted the burden of childcare wholly to parents. In my case, we chose homeschooling (shoutouts to khanacademy.org, duolingo.com, my retired art professor mother-in-law, and a local hip hop dance instructor) this August for my older son after he got a repetitive stress injury in his neck from being on the computer so constantly from March through May. For my younger son, we quickly dropped the ridiculous idea in April that distance nursery school was anything more than watching children get progressively more upset on screen. In August, his nursery school did reopen. Teachers wear masks, and we now drop him off at a set time in the parking lot. This is not unlike leaving him at a prison. In other parents’ cases, they have chosen to go along with distance learning, which means that children are on the computer for hours at a time. That often sucks. I must emphasize that, as always, those with enough money have an advantage and can send their kids to in-person private schools (as we do my younger son three days a week, fortunately affording that, but are not able to with my older son). 

The fair thing would have been to take care of all citizens from Day 1 instead of predominately the high risk. Maybe everyone could’ve clapped for parents and children every day as well as the essential workers. And also clapped for those who lost a loved one to suicide or an overdose, those who couldn’t be with a loved one while they died, those who don’t have health insurance, those locked in a house with their abuser, those groups still marginalized such as the First Nations living within our borders, those who lost employment, those who lost their businesses, those who died, those who are full-time (24/7, not just 40 hours a week) caregivers of the elderly, and nearly everyone else. Everyone is a hero for dealing with both the virus itself and the precautions. (Except for the celebrities who patronized us with an off-key rendition of Imagine to inspire us from their mansions. And a certain citizen who very openly showed his true colors, orange and supremely white, on January 6, 2021. By the way, how can anyone in their right mind believe in the QAnon reverence for this person, given that he clearly does not care about children?) There is a lot of suffering to go around, and if you’re going to clap for essential workers, wake up and smell (or don’t have the ability to smell) the coffee. Who has the right to compare suffering of one kind with another? Who has the right to demand others suffer for their sake? And what the hell does all this clapping do? 

As a side note, I have to admit that I sometimes have mild symptoms and occasionally wonder whether it is Covid and whether I’ll be dead in two weeks so that my obituary can read: “Unknown Writer and Anti-Outdoor Mask Wearer Dies of Covid; Ha Ha, It Serves Him Right.”

So now I have to tell you why I don’t wear a mask outside. See the point about burden of proof above. Has it been proven that Covid is passed around outside by strangers walking by each other? Okay, I do know that thing about slipstream and whatever. But, again, has it been proven? No, it’s been shown to be theoretically possible. So, no proof equals no mask outside for me (unless close and face to face with someone for a long period). You may hate me for this, but I don’t care, because in actuality, I am committing no kind of breath rape and actually give people space as they pass by if they want it. And my at risk loved ones, I will wear a mask for them anywhere and any time they want me to. And, yes, like rape, Covid-19 seems to be lurking behind bushes outside, but is usually found among friends and families.

Can I also be brutally honest here? Even at 4,400 deaths in the U.S. per day, this is not Ebola, nor is it HIV in the 80s and 90s, nor is it the Black Death. It is a disease that is very dangerous to some, and some precautions are necessary. But it is hardly fatal most of the time, and would it be possible to stick to the precautions that are reasonable? If wearing a mask inside does some good, then great. But can we stop with the unnecessary nonsense? There is a line between caution and letting the germ OCD people take over policy.

Personally, the bright side of taking clothes off a clothesline on September 27, 2020 at my house in Santa Rosa, California, while hearing gas tanks blow up and seeing a red glow hover above the closest ridge is that I experienced the difference between a real threat and a sort of threat. Wildfires are a real threat to me, and Covid remains a more distant one. 

So how am I going to explain this time to my sons in the future when they ask why they had to grow up for a couple years with such stress? I assume now that I’ll have to explain that the United States was run by ambitious people who wanted to not die but also ignored all the children living with little human contact other than families and sometimes teachers. And that it was easier to chase around a virus than address the widespread addictions to drugs, food, and reality t.v.

While the extremes can either keep on running away from corona as they wait for the savior of the vaccine or denying that corona is a problem at all, I refuse to live inside that story. Whatever the reality of Covid-19 turns out to be, it is clear to me that we humans needed our created world to fall apart for some reason. 

And what is that reason? For me, one answer is in the perspective of those who are not homo sapiens. While hiking one day, I saw a young rattlesnake in the trail that refused to move. I put a stick near it, and while it curled away from the stick a little, it had clearly decided that freezing was the best option. So I stepped past it, around and off the trail. Later, I became curious: What would this snake say about coronavirus? Maybe a massive reduction in humans on the earth might be better for it. If it even cares about us much at all. Other species must feel the same, especially those who are extinct. Because humans (and here I point out only one obvious evil, the invention and use of the atom bomb) have lost touch with our proper place in the whole, acting out of the hubris that we have the right to use this planet without concern, off-handedly causing whole species extinction.

As I wrote one draft of this article, a hummingbird began singing raspily outside my window while I pressed black keys on a plastic field and looked at a glowing screen containing black shapes that we’ve agreed add up to meaning. It must happen all the time; other species are trying to get our attention and have been doing so for decades, centuries, even millennia. 

So I return to where I began this article, not thinking about Covid-19 ever again. The truth is that Covid-19 is really a symptom of a greater problem, that humans are destroying ourselves and the world. See David Attenborough’s movie, A Life on Our Planet, if you have any remaining doubts about this. What is our rightful place here? How does one live as a formerly totally self-centered species? Collectively, it’s our choice. Humility versus destruction. Faith versus fear. Understanding versus anger. Embracing it all versus running away. 

And how does one face the bald awareness of human arrogance, cruelty, fear, and destruction? What actions can one measly person take? For me, so far the solutions involve not paying so much attention to Covid, watching far less Netflix and YouTube, observing our non-human relatives, and even trying that idea of loving my enemies as well as myself. I can hear my classmates from Essex Elementary in Massachusetts calling me a fag for writing that. But whatever. Lastly, as facile as I think “We’re All In This Together” is as a piece of Covid propaganda, we are all in fact responsible for the fate of humanity, together. 

As I like to remind myself, it’s time to wake up.

* * * * * * * * *

Acknowledgments
Thank you, Amos Young, for the art! Thank you to everyone thanked in “We’re All Gonna Die!” Thank you (sometimes again) to Alex Bernzweig, Amos Young, Cliff Bernzweig, Joon Lee, Lou D., Naomi Young, Sarah P., Shawn G., Solomon Young, Todd B., and Tom Young for discussions about and possible references for this subject. Thank you, Peter Orne, for sending me the Cookie Monster Metal video and the subsequent years-long joy. Thank you, Margo Perin, for convincing me to write one last corona piece. Now I can return to easier, more enjoyable subjects. Thank you to Dr. Sundari Mase, Sonoma County Health Officer (or whoever was responsible), for keeping all parks open during the last Stay at Home Order. Huge amounts of thanks to Naomi, Amos, and Solly for living through this time with me. Lastly, tons of gratitude to all the people who help me remember to choose faith over fear.

*Originally published January 28, 2021, with minor edits and some links to better sources added through February 4, 2021.